An Unmotivated Monday

I haven’t had a “case of the Mondays” in quite some time. I can’t even remember the last time I woke up, realized it was a Monday and thought about how much I hated them. At this point, since I am currently a stay at home mom, I don’t even know if I am allowed to have feelings about it being Monday. But, today I am just not motivated. I feel bored, confused, disinterested, and blah. There are so many things I could and should be doing around the house today, I should probably also consider putting on some clothes- other than what I went to bed in last night. I. Just. Don’t. Want. To. Being that this rarely is the case, I have decided to be okay with it. Dishes be damned. 

I have been listening to interviews on a couple of podcasts that featured Rachel Held Evans. She recently passed away, leaving behind a beautiful family, and a following of people who could not wait to hear more of her insights and beliefs- or even unbelief. Unfortunately, I had not heard of her until after her death, and now I can’t seem to get enough of her. As soon as I heard (on NPR, of course) about her and her stance on biblical matters and the many things she did and said about the christian community, I knew I needed to hear more. She is fascinating to me. She tests the boundaries of the christian faith and what it means to an individual and to the church. I am currently devouring her initial offering entitled “Faith Unravelled”- and by devouring, I mean reading a page or two in between the mad dash the happens during Theo’s two naps during the day. I really enjoy that she has a different and sometimes challenging perspective on what the Christian faith looks like to her. And that’s not to say she has it all figured out, she repeatedly reminds her readers that she still questions and wonders and sometimes comes up empty-handed. I like that. I regularly have that happen in my daily life. 

My husband, an incredibly loving, devoted, caring husband and father to our son, decided a long time ago that any type of religion was not for him and that there is no God. And while this sometimes can cause interesting debates or topics for conversation, I often find myself wanting to just not talk about my faith. Sometimes it’s because I don’t think talking about it is necessary, but more often than not, it’s because I don’t know how to defend it anymore and don’t care to. I spent my life, up until my early twenties, consumed with christianity- choir, youth group, mission trips, christian college, a pastor’s wife (more on that another time). That time of my life came to an abrupt halt, and has never fully been picked back up. I still love God, and believe in my faith completely, but I don’t participate in the church like I did and I don’t delve into the Bible often. In fact, most people would not know that I have any faith in God whatsoever. Most people would probably think the opposite, not because I have a wild lifestyle, but because I don’t talk about it with anyone other than close friends and family. To say that I have been unmotivated in my christian walk is an understatement. 

I have several communities of faith that I could very easily plug in to, but I have a six month old, blah, blah, blah… I don’t want to. I am content where I am now, tapping away in front of the computer sometimes figuring out my faith on paper. And you know what? There is nothing wrong with that. This is the season I am in now, and I am more vulnerable and open than I have been in many years. Prayer has never slipped away from me completely and with that (and a mom and dad who love Jesus so much you can smell it driving in to their neighborhood), I will never lose my faith completely. Aaaaaaaaand now I am done talking about God, for now.

Today’s wine I wish I had this evening after Theo goes to sleep is Matthiason Rosé. It is a blend of Grenache, Syrah, Mouvèdre, and Counoise. It is for spring- which means its for always in our balmy peninsular state. Florida suuuuuuuucks as far as selections at wine stores. There aren’t enough wine shops and most of the ones that exist have terrible product. Even the restaurants have sad wine lists. This is unfortunate, because there are so many good wines out there that deserve to be drank. So, get out there and embrace the Monday blues, because, its Monday and you can’t change that so you might as well enjoy a nice glass of wine. 

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